Hi!
I didn’t recognize it until much later, but a symbol for this year appeared in January when I lost control of my car and spun around on the freeway, careening back the way I came and landing in a muddy ditch. Less than an hour later I was safe at home, hoping to put the incident behind me, not knowing that 2023 would be a year of spins, spirals, loops, and reversals; I went in every direction this year other than the straight line forward I imagined.
I thought this might be the year my career took off – lol, nope! I barely worked, instead marching in circles on the picket line during the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. I got a “yes” that seemed like it might change my entire life, but the opportunity went up in smoke and taught me that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. With my ample free time, I ran laps around the Hollywood Reservoir, contemplating my future under the looming shadow of the Hollywood sign.
If you’d told me last New Year’s Eve that Kyle and I would break up in 2023, I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised. If you’d told me that we’d break up, reconcile, and move in together, I wouldn’t have known how to react because the shook emoji hadn’t come out yet.
Tonight will be our fifth NYE as a couple but our first spent in the same place; it feels apt that after a year of heartache, struggle, growth, and unpredictable joy, we’re ringing in 2024 together at last.
After my car stopped spinning, a tow truck pulled me out of the mud, set me in the right direction, and sent me on my way again. The mud washed off later in the rain, erasing all evidence of the ordeal besides what I carried with me. And here I am now, appearing more or less the same as I did last year: at midnight I’ll be at the same party in the same city as I was in 2022, again with my dreams and fears and desires and questions. Caroline Polacheck (my artist of the year) wrote on Instagram recently, “The thing about spirals [is] the shape repeats but the path is always new.” Everything is the same; everything has changed.
Happy New Year, from my path to yours. Who knows what shape 2024 will take – a chute, a ladder, a rocket, another spiral. Whatever it is, I hope it leads us both closer to where we want to be.
MY TOP 10 ALBUMS THIS YEAR (NOT NECESSARILY RELEASED THIS YEAR)
#10: This is a Good Sign – Olivia Barton
#9: 11:11 – Regina Spektor
#8: The Land is Inhospitable and So Are We – Mitski
#7: Snow Angel – Reneé Rapp
#6 Endless Summer Vacation – Miley Cyrus
#5: Moth – Chairlift
#4: SOS – SZA
#3: Don Juan’s Reckless Daughter – Joni Mitchell
#2: The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess – Chappell Roan
#1: Desire I Want To Turn Into You – Caroline Polachek
5 SONGS I LOVED THIS YEAR NOT BY ARTISTS ON THAT LIST
“Leonard Cohen” – boygenius
“Rush” - Troye Sivan
“Fable” – The Light in the Piazza
“It’s Hot Up Here” – Sunday in the Park with George
“Good As Gold (Uber One Remix)” – Vanderpump Rules cast
MY 11 FAVORITE FIRST-WATCH FILMS + 1 NOTABLE REWATCH
Big Business (1988)
Postcards from the Edge (1990)
The Addams Family (1991)
Chicken Run (2000) (this was the rewatch but was maybe my favorite movie this year?)
Women Talking (2022)
Past Lives (2023)
Asteroid City (2023)
Theatre Camp (2023)
Barbie (2023)
Bottoms (2023)
May December (2023)
Poor Things (2023)
MY 8 FAVORITE LIVE SHOWS
Slash (The Elysian)
Twilight: Los Angeles, 1992 (Mark Taper Forum)
Caroline Polachek’s Spiraling Tour (The Shrine)
A Definitive Ranking of My Closest Friends (Theater Asylum)
The Light in the Piazza (New York City Center)
The 2023 Jimmy Awards (Minskoff Theatre)
Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour (SoFi Stadium)
Liz Phair’s Exile in Guyville 30th Anniversary Tour (The Wiltern)
OH NO, I MADE A LIST OF THE TV SHOWS I LOVED WATCHING THIS YEAR AND IT’S ONLY REALITY & COMPETITION SHOWS… SKIPPING THIS LIST
EVERY BOOK I FINISHED THIS YEAR – THE LEAST I’VE READ IN YEARS, AND THAT’S FINE!
The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle
The Daddy Diaries by Andy Cohen
All The Women In My Brain by Betty Gilpin
The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller (admittedly didn’t finish-finish but it was getting repetitive and I got the point)
Saving Time by Jenny Odell
A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit
Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin
7 MISCELLANEOUS THINGS I LOVED
Bean bag chairs
Friends’ weddings
Dancing to “Ride That Wave” at my high school reunion
The Tillamook Creamery
“Salt air tonight?” meme
My friend Matt’s birthday cruise
“Diva down we need a fucking medic boots”
6 MISCELLANEOUS THINGS I LOATHED
Going through a breakup
Unemployment
Avery and Mollie leaving LA
The AMPTP
Dorinda Medley
Jury duty
A FEW THINGS I LEARNED THIS YEAR
Ice Spice was born on the first day of 2000
Asking for something on Instagram is embarrassing but usually works
People can change
People can change, but Housewives can’t
😣😔💖💖 love you big time
“Fable” – The Light in the Piazza i know that's rite