Hi!
Is Taylor Swift a fascist? In 2019 she publicly denounced the far-right, but in 2023 Barbie taught me that fascism means control of two things:
The railway.
The flow of commerce.
TikTok took a throwaway reference to friendship bracelets on Taylor’s latest album and made it a call to (fore)arms: show up to the Eras Tour with a fat stack of plastic jewelry on your wrists OR ELSE. I personally dropped $50 on beads so my friends and I could arrive at our military rally concert date in compulsory style, and we spent hours on bracelet construction leading up to the August 3rd show. The task required such focus that I didn’t even look up from my workstation when a friend snapped this pic of me.
Chit-chat on these craft nights was often punctuated with cries of “NooOooOoOO” as beads slipped from string and scattered across the floor, and with each mishap, I became more concerned about wiping out at SoFi Stadium. Just a few cheap charms underfoot and BAM – lying on the cold hard ground. Thank god Tay doesn’t have any songs about banana peels or oil slicks…
I also couldn’t help but wonder how much damage loose beads would do during an earthquake, which you can’t ever rule out in LA. It wouldn’t even be the first seismic activity at an Eras Tour stop! If the Big One hit during “All Too Well,” would beads rain down from the upper levels and pummel us to death like Etsy-fied shrapnel? Would red be the name of the album and the color of our blood-soaked clothes? Why does my brain always have to go there?
I saw Taylor last week, so as far as fatal bead injuries go, I’m out of the woods (alts: this fate didn’t jump-then-befall me; I get to long live; I’m still breathe-featuring-Colbie-Callait-ing). I rolled up to SoFi eager to swap bracelets, but sadly my section didn’t have the robust trading economy I’d hoped for. I only managed to broker two exchanges, and both times I felt the thrill of intergenerational connection followed by deep shame over the bracelets I had to offer. My trades were with young girls who’d mostly made song title bracelets like “MIRRORBALL” and “STYLE” – simple, straightforward, sincere. I, on the other hand, mostly made smart aleck shit like “I ❤️ PRIVATE JETS” and “STREAM THE GIVER.” I felt like a silly old asshole. Where were all the like-minded gay adults who’d appreciate a “TREE PAINE WUZ HERE” bracelet?
On a different Taylor Swift jewelry note, half an hour into the concert I thought there was a medical emergency a few rows in front of us, but it was actually a guy proposing to his girlfriend during “Love Story.” Maybe (hopefully!) this was her dream proposal, but I… struggle to imagine. First of all, if you’re such a huge Swiftie that you’d want to get engaged at her show, you’re going to be pissed when your boyfriend tries to get your attention in the middle of “Love Story.” And then after he’s popped the question, instead of calling your family or processing this life change with your partner, you spend the next three hours on your feet, facing forward, completely focused on something else? And the first song of your engaged life is “no body, no crime”?? Idk, idk.
By the way, duh, I had the time of my life at the concert – felt like I was on drugs during it and coming down from them the next day. If our fascist queen had asked the crowd of 70,000 to turn to the person next to them and strangle them to death, I’m confident we’d be down to 35,000 faster than you can say “fever dream high in the quiet of the night you know that I caught it.” Not condoning, just acknowledging that we do, in fact, live under Authoritarianism (Taylor’s Version). But since I didn’t get choked out, I’m faced with a dilemma: what the fuck do I do with all these bracelets? I do not need a dozen Taylor Swift friendship bracelets lying around. Do you want one?
Happy to send one to you, but priority goes to any Canadians with a pre-sale code for Eras Toronto and an open spot in their group. See you in November 2024, Tay!
i ❤️private jets