Bracing for Wicked
Hi!
I recently had a vision almost like a prophecy: the next time I’m in the middle of a total disaster work day – frantically putting out fires, close to tears, absolutely zero bandwidth for anything else – that’s when they’ll announce the full cast of the Wicked movie. I’ll know the news is out when my phone starts blaring like an AMBER Alert, only this’ll be an EMERALD Alert from all my musical theatre girlies texting me at the same time. The workday will be completely shot; hopefully my boss will respect my needs and give me the rest of the day off, but if not I’ll be forced to fake a positive COVID test so I can go home to process.
But here’s the rub: as soon as I’ve recovered from the cast list, I’ll have to immediately brace for the next Wicked announcement. The yellow brick road to this movie premiere is full of potholes: the poster reveal, the trailer drop, the press tour… then the lewks on the premiere’s green carpet, the movie itself, the Oscar campaign (will they cram a new song into the adaptation to make it eligible for Best Original Song??)... and I feel compelled to orient my life around it all. Wicked news of any sort takes priority 24/7, 365 – I could be defusing a bomb, but if Entertainment Weekly drops some exclusive photos from set? I’m dropping those wire cutters to click through the slideshow.
I’m being hyperbolic, but also not really. Here are texts from when my friend Raina broke the initial Elphaba/Glinda casting news to me:
Many frantic messages later:
We are living in unprecedented times, times when Ariana Grande could post a blonde wig selfie and short-circuit the internet without any warning. History books will note the time of day filming began; our grandchildren will ask us where we were when the “Are The Flying Monkeys Hot?” Discourse War broke out. But to get real for a sec, we’ve already lived through loads of historic Wicked moments, moments I don’t want to forget when the movie completely takes over/breaks my brain. To help myself and future historians alike, I’ve created…
A DEEPLY SUBJECTIVE TIMELINE OF IMPORTANT WICKED EVENTS, B.M.C. (BEFORE MOVIE CASTING)
October 30, 2003: The musical Wicked opens on Broadway.
This is actually the first historical event to happen in general. Everything Jan 1, 0000 – October 29, 2003 was just random boring shit, humankind twiddling its thumbs until something worth stanning came along.
January 8, 2005: Idina Menzel falls through a trap door during her second-to-last performance as Elphaba.
Unknown evening, 2005: I see Wicked for the first time on Broadway with my aunt, brother, and au pair.
After the show we ate dinner at Mars 2112 with my aunt’s friend’s son who played Chistery, the main flying monkey – jealous???
August, 2006: Brandi Chavonne Massey goes all the way off during “Defying Gravity.”
I was on NJ Transit a few years ago when I overheard this conversation:
Teenage girl: Sorry to bother you, but… are you Glinda in Wicked on Broadway?
Actress playing Glinda in Wicked on Broadway at the time: I am Glinda in Wicked on Broadway!
I spent the rest of the train ride thinking about that sentence: I am Glinda in Wicked on Broadway. Only a select group of women have ever been able to casually state that as a fact of their life. Starring in Wicked – hell, playing a munchkin in Wicked – is perhaps the ceiling of personal accomplishment; it’s such a rare feat, which is why I’m so moved by this video of an understudy going full throttle as Elphaba. Brandi Chavonne Massey ends “Defying Gravity” in an unforgettable, this-could-be-my-one-chance-so-I’m-emptying-the-tank interpretation of the final riff. She could’ve gone “aaahaaahaaahaaah” and called it a day, but no – she goes “aaahAAAHaaahaaahAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAH.” I’d only find it marginally more impressive if she could actually fly.
May 19, 2009: Glee premieres.
“I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game” -Elphaba, but also Ryan Murphy when he cast Kristin Chenoweth AND Idina Menzel in recurring roles on a show that featured songs from Wicked four times in six seasons. Who starred in Wicked in the Glee universe? We’ll never know, but it’s safe to assume Rachel Berry didn’t book the movie either (I was going to say “sorry, Lea!” but then I remembered she can’t read this).
October 29, 2018: 11 pairs of former Glindas and Elphabas reunite to sing “For Good” on NBC.
NBC’s Wicked 15th anniversary special has been almost entirely scrubbed from the internet (boo! Put it on Peacock, you cowards!), but thankfully the finale is randomly available on Facebook Watch. Idina and Kristin reunite to sing “For Good,” which on its own isn’t anything to write home about – not that they aren’t wonderful, but they’ll show up to sing that song at your birthday party if you ask nicely. What makes this performance memorable comes after the first chorus, when Kristin shrieks into her bedazzled microphone, “WELCOME OUR SISTERS THE GLINDAS AND ELPHABAS.” The stage is swarmed with pairs of ex-witches, helpfully dressed in black or white to denote which role they played in the show. Each duo gets a turn to sing approximately three to ten words, and then they all WAIL on the track together.
The combined force of these voices could fuel a small city’s power grid. This is the energy source they should use instead of screams at the end of Monster’s Inc. The moment is equal parts competition and catharsis; it’s breathtaking to behold, and I would kill to be a fly on the wall in that green room.
June 24, 2019: High schoolers perform a tribute to Wicked at the Jimmy Awards.
“And hey - at 15 years young, Wicked is a teenager just like us.” I saw this performance live and it was one of the best moments of my entire life. Yeah, really, my entire life.
July 13, 2020: Shoshana Bean chooses chaos.
The final riff of Defying Gravity has been sung just about every which way: optioned up, extended, auto-tuned, flattened… chopped and screwed, flipped and reversed, puffed and passed, fluffed and folded… So, serious kudos to Shoshana Bean for thinking outside the box and coming up with what might be the last fresh take on the riff we ever get, which is “what if I make it 30 seconds long by overlapping Elphabas like it’s a demented vocal relay race?”
This performance is the opening number in a virtual concert fundraiser, and the viewer drop-off rate on the video after the riff looks like a COVID tracker right after the vaccine came out.
This choice makes me wish Shoshana Bean had been tapped to direct the Wicked movie, but since Jon M. Chu’s already attached, can she at least edit?
August 4, 2021: Andy Cohen and Kristin Chenoweth publicly call to “get rid of the goat.”
But now we said it. Get Dr. Dillamond outta there!!! I will sign that petition so fast…
September, 2021: Wicked reopens on Broadway and the audience flips the fuck out.
I know multiple people who had tickets to the reopening and got to experience this energy firsthand – if you see me looking forlorn and listening to “I’m Not That Girl,” it’s because I missed this.
December 2021/January 2022: Carla Stickler saves the day, Vulture makes my day.
It was the summer after my freshman year of college. I was on my way home from an afternoon babysitting gig, and as I walked down Valley Street I spotted a semi-circle of familiar faces clustered in front of town hall. It was the current members of my high school a cappella group; they were warming up to sing “The Star-Spangled Banner” at Maplewood’s Pride Month kick-off (random), and in a moment that proved love really does win, someone asked if I remembered the bass harmony and if wanted to join in. Did I remember the bass harmony to the national anthem?? Uh, does that star-spangled banner yet wave?? I jumped in, felt amazing, and ended up in the town paper… But we’re getting off topic. Things got so hairy in NYC during the December omicron surge that Wicked called in an emergency standby who hadn’t played Elphaba since 2015. Carla Stickler went on, Vulture subsequently interviewed her about the experience, and that piece is now shortlisted for a Pulitzer, I think. For the record: I don’t want another COVID spike, but if there’s a world in which they run out of Elphabas and have to resort to calling me, I’ll gladly jump in.
March 4, 2022: the day I’m predicting we’ll get the full cast announcement.
This prediction is based on nothing, but that’ll make it more fun if I’m right. Let’s make it even more specific and say 8:30 AM, shall we? Good luck to us all.