"Hey, diva!" -me, testing a new signature greeting on those around me
Hi again!
250 WORD UPDATE ON MY LIFE
“I’m doing some assistant work while I’m in between shows… trying to enjoy summer and not get completely bogged down by anxiety and existential dread… what about you??” -message I sent yesterday on Instagram that is actually a perfect TL;DR life update.
Not sure if it’s post-COVID brain fog or psychosomatic brain fog or Things in the World being Bad Always, but I am frazzled this summer. I feel like Marion Cotillard in Inception. Where AM I? What is going ON? Hello?? Binging RHONY helps to ground me, but I only have nine more seasons of that, so I’ve set a deadline to find a therapist by the time Bethenny comes back.
Devastating fact: I will never be incredible at grilling. Have I ever tried to grill? No, but trying would just confirm what I already sense, which is that I don’t have it in me. I’m not that girl. I’m sure I could cobble together a few tricks, but the point isn’t to be proficient; I want to be a grill master, a grill savant, a grill whisperer. There’s no way I have that magic touch – maybe next lifetime.
I just got self-conscious about how many times I used the word “I” while talking about grilling (nine times if you include “I’m”). Me, me, me… why can’t the 250 word update on my life be about something else, you narcissistic bitch? I make I sick.
I believe this is the first time in my life that I have a glasses tan line. Huh!
A LIST
ALBUMS I’VE PURCHASED ON VINYL THIS SUMMER AND HOW I JUSTIFIED THE PURCHASE
a touch of the beat gets you up on your feet gets you out and then into the sun - Aly & AJ (“It’s only $20 and I didn’t pay for this concert ticket, so it’s basically free.”)
Amplified Heart - Everything But The Girl (“I’ve been listening to this album so much this year.”)
Come Away with Me – Norah Jones (“Only available for a limited time? Say no more.”)
For Emma, Forever Ago - Bon Iver (“Ok that’s a pretty good price point… probably won’t find it cheaper ever again…”)
Garden State soundtrack (“It’s finally back in stock at Amoeba!”)
Heaux Tales - Jazmine Sullivan (“I’ve been longing for this to come out on vinyl.”)
Lungs - Florence + the Machine (“It’s so classic. I have to.”)
Pink Moon - Nick Drake (“I’ve been hunting for this!”)
The Best of Sade – Sade (“It’s finally back in stock at Amoeba!”)
Women in Music Pt. III - HAIM (“It’s finally back in stock at Amoeba!””)
A CURRENT FIXATION
I’ve been spending all day every day wondering when it’ll be time to BeReal. Why does it feel like such a special treat to have a glitchy app tell me it’s time to show my friends what my living room looks like again? It’s the excitement of playing musical chairs – hovering over the shiniest parts of my day, hoping the music stops right when I’m doing something interesting. BeReal probably isn’t long for this world, but I’m living for it right now. Considering how many times I’ve pitched it to people this month, I’d go so far as to call myself a BeRealtor.
A side effect of BeReal: I now always have the song “Got to Be Real” by Cheryl Lynn stuck in my head, which in turn means I always have the Sex and the City scene where Carrie falls on the runway stuck in my head.
FIVE SONG PLAYLIST
SOMETHING OLD: “In France They Kiss on Main Street” - Joni Mitchell
SOMETHING NEW: “SugarMan” - Regina Spektor
SOMETHING BORROWED: “Bang Bang” - Caroline Polachek cover for Minions: The Rise of Gru (more like Caroline Grulachek, amiright?)
SOMETHING BLUE: “Divorce Song” - Liz Phair
SOMETHING ELSE: “Helen of Troy” - Lorde
OVERHEARD CONVERSATIONS I WISH I’D HEARD THE REST OF
“That guy looks just like…”
“There’s this great episode of Sex and the City where…”
…is ridiculous! How could they even think such a thing?!”
PERSONAL MANTRA OF THE MOMENT
The lyrics to “On The Right Track” from Pippin.
LINK TO SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET
Tired: discussing Lea Michele Funny Girl drama
Wired: discussing the trailer for 13: The Musical
Why the lack of fanfare around this?? Is it because the movie’s target audience was in utero while the musical was on Broadway? Is it because “hit” Broadway musical is generous phrasing? Whatever – I’m pumped. Can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait for THIRTEEN!
A CONFESSION
I did look into the cost of plane tickets when the Lea Michele Funny Girl news broke.
THREE RECENT PICS FROM MY CAMERA ROLL
DID I EARN THAT BOY SCOUT MERIT BADGE?
Safety: No. But I screamed “GET DOWN FROM THAT TREE” a lot when I was a Patrol Leader.
Automotive Maintenance: No. But one time I locked a Scoutmaster’s car keys in his trunk on a camping trip and felt soooooooo baaaaaaaad.
First Aid: Yes. But I only remember how to treat for shock and do the Heimlich.
A RECENT NOTE ON MY PHONE WITHOUT CONTEXT
birds going off, you know how i feel
QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR YOU — GENUINELY CURIOUS, PLEASE EMAIL BACK
Is “Anything But Me” by MUNA the gay “King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles, or is “King of Anything” already the gay “King of Anything” ?
Is it better to be clever or intuitive?
Is it worse to be cheap or thirsty?
Who makes you feel hopeful?
Have you ever found something worth taking from a little free library?
Do I repeat myself a lot? Do you care?
WHERE AM I AS I HIT SEND
My living room (the one from BeReal).
WHAT WILL I DO AFTER HITTING SEND?
Make myself a decadent turkey sandwich.