IDKGUYS and IDK SIS
Hi again!
250-WORD UPDATE ON MY LIFE
When Austen played Elle Woods in our high school production of Legally Blonde, there was a mishap where she wasn’t given her wig in time for the show’s promotional photoshoot. When the posters came back from the printer, there she was: hot pink shirt, black plastic “nerd” glasses, and legally brown hair. Stuck with a stack of unusable marketing materials, our director’s solution was to divvy up the posters among the cast, hand each of us a yellow highlighter, and tell us to do our best to color-correct.
Our best was not good at all, but what a thrill to witness the glow-up from that poster to the one currently on display outside the Pantages Theatre:
Watching my friend Glinda float down from the ceiling in her bubble, I felt like all that seemed wrong was now right, and those who deserved to were certain to live a long and happy life ever after. Wait, that’s from the wrong musical. For the first time, I felt… wicked. Hmm right show, wrong emotion… Oh, duh: I couldn’t be happier. I really couldn’t.
Austen and the rest of the Wicked touring cast blew me away — although the real star was the woman behind me who’d never seen the show and muttered, “Oh, SHIT!” after every Act II reveal. I watched from start to finish with a serene smile, which happens to be exactly how my character Joe Stoddard (town undertaker, one scene with lines) watched Austen’s Emily get married in Our Town circa 2010.
In 2024, the wigs and gowns finally match Austen’s talent. 🥰
A LIST: RECENT LAUGHS
Driving 4 hours to White Sands National Park only for Nicole to go, “I think I meant to take us to a different national park…”
A contestant on this season of Survivor contouring with dirt
Finding out Britani from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City has a musical theatre background and once sang the Alice Ripley part of the Next to Normal duet “A Light in the Dark”
Britani announced a Christmas EP last week that still hasn’t come out — only 12 days left until Christmas
Someone I know has a Great-Aunt Crucifixia
Sending this text
Trying to explain Hawk Tuah Girl to people even though I don’t really know who Hawk Tuah Girl is either
IF I HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THE EYEBALL ART IN KELLY RIPA & MARK CONSUELOS’ TOWNHOUSE, SO DO YOU
Each eyeball painting is based on a photo of the inside of one of their kids’ eyes :( I’m so scared :(((
FIVE SONG PLAYLIST: SONGS FROM MY SPOTIFY WRAPPED
SOMETHING OLD: “Fly Away” by Lenny Kravitz
SOMETHING NEW: “That’s So True” by Gracie Abrams
SOMETHING BORROWED: “Home” by Glee Cast
SOMETHING BLUE: “I Know I Know I Know” by Tegan and Sara
SOMETHING ELSE: “Masquerade” by Stereophonic Cast
I MADE A GRAPH OF MY SPOTIFY WRAPPED DATA, PLEASE CLAP
TWO RECENT PICS AND ONE SCREENSHOT FROM MY CAMERA ROLL
OVERHEARD AT THE POST OFFICE
Man buying stamps: “I’ll take Madonna and… Holiday Joy.”
VANITY PLATE ROUND-UP
IDKGUYS
IDK SIS
MAKN DO
WHATEVR
GURLL
Spotted by Elizabeth:
DID I EARN THAT BOY SCOUT MERIT BADGE?
Mammal Study: No. I think I could’ve earned this at scout camp, but the Ecology/Conservation Cabin was like a fifteen minute walk away — unlike my beloved Handicraft Pavilion that I could see from my tent — so I never made the schlep. Also, the badges there all sounded boring as hell.
Pottery: No. You will never catch me speaking ill of the Massawepie Scout Camp Handicraft Pavilion, but yeah, would’ve been nice if they offered this badge…
Soil and Water Conservation: No. Another yawnfest over at ECC. Did I mention the walk to the cabin was uphill?
A RECENT NOTE ON MY PHONE WITHOUT CONTEXT
BRAVO BASEMENT
When I say, “I have no words,” re: Salt Lake, it’s because I’ve been rendered speechless by a perfect show.
When I say, “I have no words,” re: Beverly Hills, it’s because this is my ultimate comfort show and I’m making little baby cooing sounds.
When I say, “I have no words,” re: RHONY, it’s because it’s boring and there’s nothing to talk about.
When I say, “I have no words,” re: Potomac, it’s because I stopped watching last season but plan to catch up on upcoming flights.
QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR YOU — GENUINELY CURIOUS, PLEASE EMAIL BACK
What’s something that happened to you in 2024 that will never happen again?
What’s the worst movie you saw this year?
I got an Instagram ad for this doohickey and now I want it — is this a treasure I will cherish or junk I don’t need?
Complete the sentence: I need more ___ and less ___.
Complete the sentence: you, David, need more ___ and less ___.
I need more belief in MYSELF and less people postin' podcast clips on Insta
“I’ll take Madonna and… Holiday Joy" made me rly laugh so rly hard rly