More like SLAY December!
Hi again!
250-WORD UPDATE ON MY LIFE
I’m halfway through a short gig working as the Crafty PA on a true crime show. If you don’t know, Crafty PA = craft services production assistant = I’m in charge of the snacks on set. Some might say the true crime is how bad I am at making the coffee! 😂 JK, the real crime is murder, we’re filming a murder recreation today. 😔
I get into a lot of small talk conversations with people while they graze at the snack table, and I keep doing this thing where I act as if craft services is my full-time job as well as my single passion in life. I catch myself saying things like, “Peanut M&Ms are a crowd-pleaser on every set,” or “First rule of Crafty Life: make sure you’re stocked on ice,” all with a knowing smile. Huh? I’ve never had this job before. Why am I doing that? I think the identity fraud might be my way of putting the crew at ease that I’m a professional and not just some guy, when in fact I am just some guy. Like, I’m not kidding that I’m kind of shitty at making the coffee, and the second rule of Crafty Life is don’t fuck with people’s caffeine supply!
Fortunately for me and my bad brew, the vibe on this set is low-key. In the morning safety meeting, the AD reminds us that what we’re doing matters because we’re helping catch killers – so let’s work hard, but also let’s have fun. Say that!
A LIST: EVERY SPECIAL REQUEST I RECEIVED FOR MY CRAFTY SHOPPING LIST LAST WEEK
Mango slices, no sugar
Turmeric tea
Ice cream sandwiches
Brisk or Arizona iced tea
Better coffee, specifically from Sprouts
AN IMAGE OF JESSICA SIMPSON I THINK ABOUT A LOT
FIVE SONG PLAYLIST: CHRISTMASTIME
SOMETHING OLD: “December” by Ariana Grande*
SOMETHING NEW: “Drop Top Sleigh Ride” by Cher ft. Tyga
SOMETHING BORROWED: “(Everybody’s Waitin’ For) the Man with the Bag” by Jack Rabbit
SOMETHING BLUE: “River” by Joni Mitchell
SOMETHING ELSE: “Hottest Female Up In Whoville” by Matt Rogers
*It’s certainly a choice to pick a song from 2015 as the “old” song for a genre chock-full of true oldies, but whatever – it’s an essential Christmas song to me and I have an unsubstantiated theory that no one pays attention to this section of the newsletter anyway!
LINK TO SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET
In the new movie May December, Natalie Portman plays an actress with an obsessive shadowing process preparing for a role. I believe this film is in conversation with (inspired by?) one of my favorite newsletters I’ve published where I took Natalie Portman’s acting MasterClass and used the skills from it to play Natalie Portman teaching her acting MasterClass.
Here is my performance of the lesson “Playing A Real Character”:
And here’s the full newsletter:
I also want to share my burning comment after seeing May December, which is that I own the shirt Charles Melton wears in the roof scene! Seeing clothing I bought in 2021 took me out of the 2015 period piece, but it’s good to know my Abercrombie rugby shirt is giving developmentally-stunted father of three.
TWO RECENT PICS AND ONE SCREENSHOT FROM MY CAMERA ROLL
VANITY PLATE ROUND-UP
4 1NGHT
LALA XO
DAVID EWW
EW DUDE
STARR 2B
LVE ❤️ F8
DID I EARN THAT BOY SCOUT MERIT BADGE?
Hiking: No. To achieve Eagle Scout, you have to earn Hiking or Cycling or Swimming. Hiking and Cycling both made you commit to the bit; these can’t be accurate, but in my memory, the requirements were like, “Climb a mountain every weekend for a year” and “Bike from the East Coast to the West Coast.” Swimming had its own daunting requirements, but it was offered as a week-long class at Scout Camp and paled in comparison to the others. Sold!
Cycling: No. See above reasoning. I did go on a Troop biking trip when “Friday” by Rebecca Black came out and had it stuck in my head the whole weekend – a memory that still gets jogged whenever I ride a bike, which gets “Friday” stuck in my head all over again in a vicious cycle.
Swimming: Yes. Best believe I wore a shirt to swim in every day and not just when we had to jump into Massawepie Lake fully clothed to demonstrate… Uh, what did that demonstrate? I forget. Our willingness to follow orders from lifeguards? Maybe that’s it.
A RECENT NOTE ON MY PHONE WITHOUT CONTEXT
The “Houdini” music video is shot the same as the CBS sitcom Ghosts
QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR YOU — GENUINELY CURIOUS, PLEASE EMAIL BACK
What’s a song on your Spotify Wrapped that has a story behind it making the list?
When do you feel the most like yourself?
What musical is your high school doing this year? (I know you don’t know, but look into it.) When was the last time you went to it?
What’s your crafty request?
Do you have a question for me to answer?
WHERE AM I AS I HIT SEND
On set in world-famous Pomona, California.
WHAT WILL I DO AFTER HITTING SEND?
Stock up on ice.