Hi!
Do yourself a favor and see Madame Web, the best bad movie I’ve seen in forever, as soon as possible. Ignore the 13% Rotten Tomatoes score, shield yourself from spoilers, and get thee to a Webbery stat. As much as I’d like you to keep reading this, consider pausing until you’ve watched; I went in blind and I’m so glad I did. Going in blind… Kind of a reverse Madame Web, huh?
I was in a graveyard last year and saw a tombstone that said, “She gave and gave – and gave.” Well, it’s time to exhume the corpse in that cemetery plot, because Madame Web just earned her spot for giving and giving – and giiiiiiiiving. This movie is tip-to-toe campy nonsense, and my only note is that I left the theater wanting even more. More of Dakota Johnson reading/thinking out loud in her empty apartment. More ham-fisted early-aughts references to remind us we’re watching a 2003 period piece. More surfaces shattering in the shape of a spider web. More scenes of Zosia Mamet as a chic, villainous cyberhacker (!!!). More Pepsi product placement. More movie – I would’ve sat for another hour.
Most of all, I wanted a follow-up scene to the one where Cassie (AKA Madame Web), still sopping wet from a plunge off a bridge that left her dead for three minutes, refuses to get checked at a hospital because she’d rather just “go home and watch Idol.” I’m obsessed with this characterization. A sarcastic, abrasive loner who brings up her mother’s childbirth death at a baby shower and seems altogether disconnected from culture and society… loves American Idol and watches it live every week?
I need to know more. What’s Madame Web’s Idol voting history? Has she ever thought about auditioning? Does she consider herself the Simon of her paramedic team? Was she hoping the in-flight movie on her trip to Peru would be From Justin to Kelly? I sadly don’t have the power to tap into the Web of Life to learn these answers, but I did write what I think should’ve been the movie’s mid-credit scene:
I watched Jennifer Lopez’s This Is Me… Now a few hours after Madame Web and I highly recommend this double feature pairing. Even though one is a superhero movie and the other is a “narrative-driven, cinematic original which showcases [JLo’s] journey to love through her own eyes,” I thought they were oddly similar. Like, can you even tell which movie this still is from?
Graphic design is my passion, so I made an infographic to highlight a few of the commonalities I noticed between JLo in This Is Me… Now and Madame Web in Madame Web.
Hold on… I just noticed something spooky about that design layout. Doesn’t it kind of look like something? Or should I say: some insect?
Her web connects us all. 😳🕸🕷
Smithsonian for this one... Smith.Son.I.An.
Its 2003