Shonda Rhimes > Apollo 11
Hi again!
250-WORD UPDATE ON MY LIFE
Why didn’t anyone warn me that when you sign up for AMC A-List, you’re automatically enrolled for three months? I couldn’t bring myself to pay $25 to see Mean Girls Saturday night, so I signed up for what I thought was a month – the same cost as that one ticket, which is how they fucking get you. Congrats to Madame Web, a movie I guess I’ll see now that I have tickets to burn.
In other scam news, I’ve accepted that the Lea Michele Christmas record I impulse-ordered months ago from a sketchy website is never coming. I’m out $20, vinyl-less, and now publicly humiliated for making that purchase in the first place. Elder fraud is one thing, but gay guy fraud? That’s sick.
Some friends posted photos of Todd Haynes at a May December talkback and at first glance I thought the moderator was me.
You see it, right?
I watched the Emmys last night with Kyle and Joey, and the three of us were enraged by the Television Academy’s list of Top 75 Most Impactful Television Moments. Sure, it’s impossible to acknowledge every iconic TV moment with only 75 spots, but they made some flop choices with the space they had. Game of Thrones is on the list twice as the only representation of the 2010’s; Apollo 11 makes the cut, but Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t?? Moon landing, shmoon shlanding – someone needs to cut the Television Academy’s LVAD wire if they won’t show Shonda Rhimes some goddamn respect.
Naturally, we made our own list.
75 MOMENTS THE TELEVISION ACADEMY EGREGIOUSLY OVERLOOKED WHEN THEY COMPILED THEIR LIST OF MOST IMPACTFUL TELEVISION MOMENTS
Izzie admits she cut the LVAD wire (Grey’s Anatomy)
Sasha Velour rose petal wig reveal (RuPaul’s Drag Race)
First four-chair turn on The Voice
Rob and Amber get engaged (Survivor: All-Stars)
Piper sees Alex in prison for the first time (Orange is the New Black)
Miley Stewart reveals Hannah Montana identity to best friend Lily (Hannah Montana)
Josh hits Oprah with his car (Drake and Josh)
Grey’s Anatomy bomb in the body episode
Grey’s Anatomy ferry crash
Grey’s Anatomy Callie sings “The Story” by Brandi Carlile over her body in a coma
Grey’s Anatomy Lexi introduced
Big Little Lies Nicole Kidman vs Meryl Streep court scene
Monica Garcia revealed to be Reality Von Tease (The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City)
Gwyneth Paltrow says, “Hola, clase” and sings “Forget You” (Glee)
Jen Shah arrest (The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City)
“This is the Bad Place” (The Good Place)
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Amsterdam fight
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “But now we said it” fight
Lil Sebastian (Parks and Recreation)
30 Rock “Queen of Jordan” episode
Bradley Jackson at the Insurrection (The Morning Show)
Parvarti get Eric to give up Immunity (Survivor: Micronesia)
Cheer Daytona finale
SNL Ashlee Simpson lip sync
SNL Lana Del Rey performance
SNL Lana Del Rey Weekend Update parody
Marnie sings “Stronger” (Girls)
Katy Perry left shark Super Bowl
Beyonce reveals pregnancy at VMAs
That’s So Suite Life of Hannah Montana
Jimmy Timmy Power Hour
SpongeBob rips his pants (SpongeBob SquarePants)
Tyra Banks pretends to have rabies (The Tyra Banks Show)
Tiffany “New York” Pollard first television appearance (Flavor of Love)
White Lotus theme song (White Lotus)
“Read U Wrote U” (RuPaul’s Drag Race)
Euphoria the play
Sex and the City Carrie screams
Sex and the City Samantha says she’s dating a guy with the funkiest tasting spunk and Charlotte walks out of brunch
Sex and the City Carrie falls on the runway
Sex and the City Kristen Johnston falls out of the window
Lizzie shops for a bra (Lizzie McGuire)
Kate Berlant “I’m gagging for you, faggot” (The Other Two)
Padma Lakshmi says, “Pack your knives and go” for the first time (Top Chef)
Rudy Giuliani on The Masked Singer
So You Think You Can Dance “Ramalama (Bang Bang)”
Scandoval (Vanderpump Rules)
Glee “Journey to Regionals”
Valerie Cherish rehearses her lines (The Comeback)
Valerie Cherish “Well, I got it” (The Comeback)
Fleabag Hot Priest sees her looking at the camera
Leslie gets on stage to give a speech at an ice skating rink (Parks and Recreation)
Gossip Girl Thanksgiving “Whatcha Say”
Smash “Let Me Be Your Star”
Aang defeats the Fire Lord (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
Britney Spears plays receptionist (How I Met Your Mother)
BAFTAs Ariana DeBose “Angela Bassett did the thing”
Moonlight/La La Land mixup at the Oscars
Lin Manuel Miranda says love is love at the Tony Awards
Parkland kids sing “Seasons of Love” at the Tony Awards
Macklemore marries couples at the Grammys
Shailene Woodley gives birth (Secret Life of the American Teenager)
Big Little Lies stairs
Project Runway “Not even to dinner with the Kushners?”
“Where Have All The Children Gone” performance (Dance Moms)
The Mindy Project pilot
Megan Fox fills in for Zooey Deschanel on New Girl
“Save the cheerleader, save the world” (Heroes)
Jess asks Rory why she dropped out of Yale (Gilmore Girls)
Riverdale “Mad World” pole dance
High School Musical
First Kellyoke (The Kelly Clarkson Show)
Ayo Edebri thanks assistants in Golden Globes speech
Fifth Harmony formed (The X Factor)
Wendy Williams collapses (The Wendy Williams Show)
FIVE SONG PLAYLIST
SOMETHING OLD: “I Want To Be Here” by case/lang/veirs
SOMETHING NEW: “Read the Room” by BEL
SOMETHING BORROWED: “Linger” by Lake Street Dive
SOMETHING BLUE: “Troubled Mind” by Everything But The Girl
SOMETHING ELSE: “Golden Lady” by Stevie Wonder
Now available as a Spotify playlist!
A NOTE TO SELF
DO NOT USE YOUR ONE WILD AND PRECIOUS LIFE TO REWATCH LA LA LAND EVER AGAIN. As of this week, you’ve seen it three times and disliked it three times – enough is enough. Zon’t zo it. You’re susceptible because you saw it at the Hollywood ArcLight on your first night in LA; it’s tempting to check if time’s given you a new perspective on the movie, but it’s just not that deep. It will always be a corny movie about annoying people singing forgettable songs, and in fact, it’s getting worse with age. Recognizing a new shooting location or two each time is fun-ish, but the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.
If you’re feeling sentimental about your time in LA, watch Burlesque or Tangerine instead. Or, like, go for a walk.
THE VOICE MEMO OF STRAY THOUGHTS I HAD ON MY DRIVE HOME FROM MEAN GIRLS (2024) THAT I SENT MY FRIENDS
TWO RECENT PICS AND ONE SCREENSHOT FROM MY CAMERA ROLL
VANITY PLATE ROUND-UP
One perfect vanity plate spotted by Maggie:
OVERHEARD
“I don’t think she’s mean, I think she just said the N-word.”
DID I EARN THAT BOY SCOUT MERIT BADGE?
Climbing: No. I have a crystal clear memory of standing in the woods at the base of a tree, yelling at my friend Bryce because he was climbing too high. He ignored me and kept climbing, and when he eventually made it safely to the ground, a part of me wished he’d fallen – from low enough that he’d live but high enough that he’d learn a lesson.
Archaeology: No. But I recently excavated my Troop’s Facebook page and found this ancient photo of me and the gang in front of a military helicopter (problematic/random…).
I’m 12 years old and kneeling on the far left.
Surveying: No. But – 🚨 gorgeous segue alert 🚨 – thank you sooooo much to everyone who responded to my newsletter feedback survey, shared Hi! Hi Again!, or upgraded to a paid subscription. You made me smile this big:
Here’s the SURVEY LINK again, plus buttons for the rest of that business. 😘
A RECENT NOTE ON MY PHONE WITHOUT CONTEXT
The Body Keeps The RECEIPTS! PROOF! TIMELINE! SCREENSHOTS! FUCKING EVERYTHING!
QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR YOU — GENUINELY CURIOUS, PLEASE EMAIL BACK
What other moments did the Television Academy miss?
If you don’t watch The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, do you know anything about what went down in the water cooler season finale?
What’s the last thing you lost?
What’s wrong with your car right now?
Who has the keys to your place?
WHERE AM I AS I HIT SEND
Sitting at my desk.
WHAT WILL I DO AFTER HITTING SEND?
Make my bed.
I would add: RHONY's Scary Island, RHOC's Naked Wasted (scarred me, can never forgive Vicki, Tamra and Vicki's son), the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode that ended up giving a man an alibi so he wasn't charged with a crime, Oprah and the wagon of fat, the Downtown Abbey where *redacted* dies in childbirth.
Not having Ellen DeGeneres saying she's gay into the airport microphone on the list of television moments is a travesty. Also, the death of Willow definitely needs to be on here, and Vanya's monologue about death and fruit punch as well. I'm sure there's some from the Golden Girls, Living Single, and (regrettably) Friends.