Waving hello with all seven fingers
Hi again!
500-WORD UPDATE ON MY LIFE
My 2025 “In” list included “climbing up the ladder to the high dive, so to speak,” and when I wrote that in December, I was thinking about AIDS/LifeCycle, a 7-day, 545-mile bike ride from San Francisco to LA that raises money for HIV/AIDS services in both cities. I’d already registered for the ride, but stepping into the new year is when I felt my foot touch the first rung of the ladder. With that step came the vertigo of the ascent, the queasy glance at a pool far below, and the panicked question before the jump: why did I choose to do this?
Why did I choose to do AIDS/LifeCycle? Well, it’s been on my list of Things I’d Maybe Like To Do At Some Vague Point In The Future for years, right between bleaching my hair and traveling to Spain. It might’ve lived on the list forever, except in September I learned that after 30 years, 2025 would be the final ride; rising production costs and dwindling participation forced the organizers to declare the event financially unsustainable. When I saw the news, I felt a pang of sadness, then a rush of brazenness. I spontaneously signed up.
The Final Ride of it all was my catalyst, but the core “Why” for me is that queer healthcare is under attack from all directions — even in allegedly progressive cities like LA — and I want to take action for a cause that matters so much to me and needs all the support it can get. On that note! If you’re able to donate even a few dollars to my fundraising page, I would be sooo appreciative. And if you’ve already contributed: I truly can’t thank you enough, but I’ll try.
Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou. (For the sake of my arbitrary word limit, that counts as one word.)
If you’re thinking, “Huh, I didn’t know David was a cyclist,” fuck off you’re onto something. I didn’t even own a bike until 2023 and only rode it a handful of times before I started training, and I’ve been quaking in my cleats about how hard this ride will be. 545 miles is… a lot. That’s more miles than words in this update! That’s more miles than days in (500) Days of Summer! I had to buy prescription cycling glasses just so the fear in my eyes wouldn’t be visible in these photos Kyle took for fundraising posts.
As scared as I am, I got a major confidence boost this weekend when I biked 100 miles and didn’t die. (Three of my fingers are still numb, but bodies are resilient and that’ll sort itself out… right?) Kyle organized an incredible Century Ride for our friends that went from Oxnard to Santa Barbara to Ojai. We rode from sunrise to sunset, and I had the new Selena Gomez song “Bluest Flame” stuck in my head the entire time. It was a mental Clif Bar: I did just wanna go all night, I did just wanna go insane, touchin' in the summer rain, hotter than the bluest flame (hotter than the bluest flame). As for literal Clif Bars, I was so depleted at Mile 70 that I practically swallowed one whole and felt the moment the calories hit my bloodstream. That was probably more interesting to experience than it was to read about, so maybe try that food science experiment yourself next weekend!
Ok, that’s enough bike talk for now — but slap on some Chamois Butt’r, ‘cause there’ll be pleeenty more.
A LIST OF QUESTIONS ON MY MIND SINCE WE LAST SPOKE
Is Mikey Madison prestige Miranda Cosgrove?
What’s a worse subject to write about: my continued car troubles or the emotional journey of my Instagram break?
What is there to love besides beauty, surprise, and synchronicity?
Is AI seriously going to come up in conversation every day until we die?
What idiosyncrasies are my friends observing in me and discussing amongst themselves?
What would it feel like to be one of these boy bunnies?
How can I become one of these boy bunnies? Even for a day?
A friend I hadn’t seen in a while had such a drastically different haircut that I thought she was wearing a wig — should I do that?
Was anyone else out there confusing Christopher Guest with Christopher Plummer and thought Jamie Lee Curtis was married to Captain Von Trapp?
Is “bello” like “aloha” for Minions where it means hello and goodbye?
Mare of Easttown/The Pitt crossover episode when?
TWO PHOTOS AND ONE SCREENSHOT
A CONVERSATION KELLY AND I HAD AFTER LISTENING TO THE NEW CHAPPELL ROAN SONG “THE GIVER”
Me: wow, Lois Lowry found dead.
Kelly: who?
Me: the author of The Giver?
Kelly: Oh…
VANITY PLATE ROUND-UP
CLUBRAT
ODDDUCK
GR8STAR
SO YEET
CKNPARM
Spotted by Maggie:
DID I EARN THAT BOY SCOUT MERIT BADGE?
I’m running out of merit badges to write about (and steam for this segment), so here are ten badges I didn’t earn, ranked by how interested I’d be in earning them. What’s your order?
Metalwork
Coin collecting
Forestry
Water sports
Dog care
Pulp and paper
Rifle shooting
Orienteering
Geology
Salesmanship
A RECENT NOTE ON MY PHONE WITHOUT CONTEXT
BRAVO BASEMENT
I am GUTTED that Garcelle is leaving Beverly Hills. 🥺 I can’t think of a single quote from her five years on the show, but I love her. Oh, wait, I got one: “If you want to be a lesbian, just be a lesbian.” At least she got that one in under the wire. I also love that her tagline this season, “I’ve been in the game too long to play by someone else’s rules,” is like if someone sang the words to “Defying Gravity” wrong.
QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR YOU — GENUINELY CURIOUS, PLEASE EMAIL BACK
Are Cadbury eggs important to you?
What journey are you on?
When was the last time you stepped foot in Costco?
What’s a memorable bike ride you’ve been on?
Can you do any magic tricks?
You are truly a rockstar David
Cadbury eggs are important to me enough to buy ONE, eat it, and almost overdose from sugar overload.
The last time I stepped foot in Costco was on Saturday, while visiting my mother, with my young adult daughter in tow. My mother stopped at every sample staton, and I had to commander the cart so she didn't injure anyone because she wasn't paying attention. We bought a 2 pack of Vacation sunscreen for just a bit more than a single tube at Target, and perused the liquor section, ooh ing and ahh ing over the pretty labels. We bought a bottle of Moscato for my daughter, and Brut Rose Cava for the adults. We also filled the car with gas.