Joni Mitchell is not a contest

Hi again!

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250-WORD UPDATE ON MY LIFE

My mom and I have peaked. She could live to be 103 and watch me get married or thank her in an awards speech, but we are not going to have a more special and important night together than we did seeing Joni Mitchell at the Hollywood Bowl. Joni: the poet laureate of our hearts, the soundtrack of our lives, the anchor in our relationship with each other. For three hours last week, we shared space with her — arms around each other, laughing and crying (as she’d say, the same release), basking in the glow of a living legend.

There she was, right in front of us, pushing 81 and only nine years out from a brain aneurysm that left her unable to speak. She sounded great, and not just for her circumstances: great, period. She sang 27 songs, mostly deep cuts, mostly without help. To see her like that felt like a miracle, and when a breeze blew through the Bowl and the moon rose over the crowd, the night felt like magic. (Hmm can you tell I was getting my life??)

Joni Mitchell fanaticism is not a contest¹, but if it were… my mom and I would clean up. We were on board (and off book) with all the unexpected set list choices — “God Must Be a Boogie Man”? Damn right he is! “Cherokee Louise”? Turn that UP! That said, we’re not contrarians, so the crowd pleasers hit just as hard.

This is how I imagine Joni must’ve felt when all 17,500 people in the audience whipped out their phones to film her singing “Both Sides, Now”:

I cried the most during “California.” When I hear that song, I’m 22 again and driving across the country to my new home state, unsure of what’s ahead, strung out on another man, singing along:

Oh, will you take me as I am?
Will you take me as I am?
Will you?
Will you take me as I am?
Take me as I am.

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THE CIRCLE GAME: SIMILARITIES BETWEEN CHARLI XCX AND JONI MITCHELL

I went to the Sweat Tour a few days before Joni, and I have to say… the similarities between Charli and Joni jumped out.

• Longtime LA residents originally from other countries

• Prolific workers with eight albums to their name by age 32

• “'Cause I couldn't even be her if I tried, I'm opposite, I'm on the other side” / “I’ve looked at life from both sides now”

• Sunglasses stay on while performing

• Universally considered to be club classics

• “I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad, now I've gone and lost the best baby that I ever had” / “Hands up if you're selfish (woo!) Put your hands up if you're selfish, selfish (put 'em up, put 'em up)”

• Gay sidekick who’s obsessed with them (Brandi Carlile, Troye Sivan)

• “People’s Parties” / “party 4 u”

• Cocaine

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FIVE SONG PLAYLIST

SOMETHING OLD: “The Dawntreader” by Joni Mitchell

SOMETHING NEW: “If” by Joni Mitchell

SOMETHING BORROWED: “Slouching Towards Bethlehem” by Joni Mitchell

SOMETHING BLUE: “All I Want” by Joni Mitchell

SOMETHING ELSE: “Love” by Joni Mitchell

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TWO RECENT PICS AND ONE SCREENSHOT FROM MY CAMERA ROLL

Didn’t take a single good photo at the concert, but there she is! Right in front of me!

And elsewhere at the Bowl…

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MY MOM MAKES A FRIEND IN THE JONI MITCHELL MERCH LINE

Mom: What’s your sign?

Adam, a gay man in his 40s: Guess. :)

Mom: Pisces.

Adam: YES!

Mom: I knew it! ME TOO!

Adam’s younger boyfriend who has been dragged to this concert against his will: *silence, does not look up from his phone*

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ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, FINE, HERE’S SOME NON-JONI CONTENT

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VANITY PLATE ROUND-UP

HAIRBRO

KID DOC

CUTEBOI

WIFEY86

LRY DVD

Spotted by Em:

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DID I EARN THAT BOY SCOUT MERIT BADGE?

Citizenship in the Community: Yes. If you’re in LA, I recommend this DSA voter guide as a resource for local races and measures on your ballot!

Bugling: No. And thank goodness I didn’t. I would’ve crumbled under the pressure of playing “Taps” at every scout camp flag ceremony, which I would’ve certainly been tapped to do — if there was ever a bugler available, he was conscripted regardless of skill.

Oceanography: No. But here I am snorkeling in the Caribbean on Troop 5’s big trip to the Virgin Islands.

That Lonely Island tee was my swim shirt for all of high school (wouldn’t be caught dead shirtless), and when I made this photo my Facebook profile pic, my clever caption was “I fell off the boat.”

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A RECENT NOTE ON MY PHONE WITHOUT CONTEXT

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BRAVO BASEMENT

Right now I’m loving Salt Lake, tolerating RHONY, and counting down the days until the Beverly Hills premiere. RHOBH was my introduction to Housewives, so it will always have a special place in my heart and my TV roster. When it airs during Scorpio season, I become my most powerful self, like when there’s an eclipse on Avatar: The Last Airbender and everyone’s bending goes crazy. Can’t wait to watch Dorit and PK’s marriage unravel at long last. ❤️

I’m reserving judgement on the RHONY Reboot Experiment until next season. The show’s a bit boring (especially by RHONY standards), but I like the women and I believe the relationships they’re building with each other now will yield a return to form by season three. In the meantime, I remain Team Brynn in all of her dust-ups.

Over in Utah, I am on my hands and knees praying for newbie Britani, who manages to get walloped at some point in every episode. How does she already have a “___ getting dragged for __ minutes” compilation video less than halfway through her first season?? 😣

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QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR YOU — GENUINELY CURIOUS, PLEASE EMAIL BACK

• Best Halloween costume you’ve seen this year? Worst? Most common?

• Will you get trick-or-treaters on Thursday?

• What Joni Mitchell song would make you cry if you heard it live?

• Is there anything special I should do to mark the final days of my twenties?

• How tall do you think I am?

1. My mom would say, “Someone tell Brandi Carlile.”