Message from david_carliner@shiz.edu

Thoughts on Wicked

Hi!

I have a sore throat from Wicked. I saw it Friday night and have only stopped talking about it to sleep. This musical is one of my favorite subjects on God’s green (omg green) earth to discuss, and I’ve written about it before here:

Bracing for Wicked

And here:

Another newsletter about Wicked

I have a lot to say about the movie, but first I have to acknowledge this prequel’s prequel: that marketing campaign. I tried to avoid the press tour so I could go into the movie as blind as possible¹, but I found that even if I tuned out the interviews and scrolled past the memes, I couldn’t escape the product tie-ins. There’s just no hiding from capitalism, and I had Wicked shit hawked to me in every store, on every website, and even on The Real Housewives of New York.

Not Rebecca Minkoff trying to sell me a purse inspired by the damn Grimmerie…

I hate to admit it, but curiosity got the best of me one day when Kyle texted, “I’m at Starbucks, do you want to try one of the Wicked drinks?”² I said yes to the Elphaba Cold Brew — if you’re unfamiliar, that’s a cold brew coffee with matcha and peppermint — and that choice ruined my life. I’ve now gone out of my way to order this dumb drink like seven times, even though saying, “Can I please get a grande Elphaba Cold Brew?” to a barista makes me want to melt from embarrassment. I know I could just order that ingredient combo without saying the name, but it would be even more embarrassing for the barista to clock I’m trying to avoid saying “Elphaba Cold Brew.” And I can’t just not order an ECB because I’m fully addicted at this point. FML, someone save me from myself.

So yeah, the movie marketing was nuts and the only way they³ can truly outdo themselves for the next one is to surprise drop Wicked: Part Two in a few weeks on Christmas Day. Since that’s unlikely and the team deserves a break, I’ve done some brainstorming myself — as Glinda would say, I’m so thoughtful that way. :)

MY WICKED: PART TWO MARKETING PITCHES (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH MY PREVIOUS PITCHES FOR THE BROADWAY SHOW’S ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION — TOTALLY DIFFERENT VIBE)

• Some spin on the “look right down the barrel of the camera” meme — maybe a Nikon or Cracker Barrel collab

• Wicked x Swiffer Ozdusters

• I was going to pitch Wicked Kellyoke, but it turns out they already did that… Do it again?

• Dr. Dillamond appearance on Watch What Happens Live to squash his beef with Andy Cohen

• Wicked x Yogurtland Fiyero Froyo

• This one I really mean: get Ariana and Cynthia to revitalize the Nicole Kidman AMC ad with their own spin on it (still opening with “we come to this place for magic,” of course)

• Sorry but Wicked firearms

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500 WORDS IN, LET’S TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE (SPOILERS BELOW, DUH)

I almost can’t believe how much I enjoyed the movie. Like… love love loved it. Jon M. Chu & Co. really pulled it off: an adaptation of beloved source material that stayed true to the original while breathing new life into the story. A collision of the magic of live theater and movie magic. A slate of pitch perfect performances. With previews, a 3-hour experience that I wanted to be LONGER. I would’ve loved nothing more than a 15 minute intermission and then Part Two; if the projectionist had accidentally started the movie over, I would’ve stayed seated.

I loved so many elements, but I especially loved…

GLINDA THE GOODEST. I’m not being gay guy hyperbolic⁴ when I say I believe Ariana Grande-Butera will win an Oscar. I can’t think of another time a celebrity has disappeared so seamlessly into a role in their film debut, and I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard at an intentionally comedic performance (I laughed harder at Dakota Johnson in Madame Web, but that’s different). When your movie musical uses live vocals and you option up on a Kristin Chenoweth high note, you deserve some hardware. And speaking of Kristin…

THOSE CAMEOS. Reader, I yelped. And then felt like a dolt for not considering that of course the OGs would pop up, but it made it all the more fun that I didn’t see them coming. Their Wiz-O-Mania moment was touching and funny and appropriately meaty — plus they looked amazing. Totally fair that some people disliked Idina doing her battle cry, but I loved the audacity of that choice. Also: where is my badge for recognizing Stephen Schwartz as the “the Wizard will see you now” doorman?

HOW EXPENSIVE IT LOOKED. The production design was beyond. This BTS video unlocked a new stress dream where I’m in charge of a project with this massive of a scope:

DEFYING GRAVITY. Yup, Elphaba connecting with her inner child while plummeting a mile to the ground, doing skate tricks on her broom at 100mph, and causing a city-wide blackout with her voice is the appropriate heightening of the stage show’s rising-from-the-ground spectacle. I didn’t mind the slower pace of the song because I didn’t want it to ever end. The movie’s closing number activated a sleeper cell of annoying musical theater kids — myself included — who started riffing the second they stumbled out into the lobby. Apologies to anyone trying to enjoy Gladiator II Friday night at the Americana for my contribution to the noise pollution.

Love my cellmates <3

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If you’re reading this and you’re like, “Classic sycophantic Dave,” hold your horses, because

I HAVE SOME MINOR CRITIQUES!

None that diminish how impressed I am with the film overall, but if I’m being nit-picky…

I didn’t think Michelle Yeoh’s performance was on the same level as the rest of the cast, and I actually think Keala Settle’s Shiz Headmistress should’ve been copy-pasted into her spot in post.

If we can see Glinda flashbacks and Elphaba flashforwards, why can’t we see an interesting visual for Elphaba’s “vision almost like a prophecy”? Shouldn’t that be the place for an interesting visual? Why just some glimmering light on a bizarre sculpture of Jeff Goldblum’s face?

Not sure how to get around this, but the cat’s kind of out of the bag with Jeff Goldblum’s recognizable voice in “No One Mourns the Wicked.”

Maybe Shiz has always been a university, but in the stage show it reads to me as more of a prep boarding school; regardless, the movie leans all the way into it being Shiz U, which makes it a bit of a stretch that Fiyero’s showing up after getting kicked out of his last school. If it’s not high school, who’s forcing him to attend? Who cares? (This is my nittiest nit to pick.)

I know Elphaba’s forlorn dance in the Ozdust Ballroom is supposed to be cringe, but I was like, “This is cringe.” I guess I’m a bully :///

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MY ONE MAJOR CRITIQUE

Dulcibear, young Elphaba’s animal nanny, should’ve been played by an actual bear. In a movie made magical by practical sets and effects, finding myself in the uncanny valley of singing CGI animals flung me right out of Oz.

“Why couldn’t they have used animal actors?” I whined to my friends while on a break from post-film “Defying Gravity” riffing.

“Well, that’s not ethical.”

“But what if it was just this once?”

Oddly enough, no one else was on my side, but I’m going to double down: can’t we put bears in movies once in a while under, like, better working conditions for them? If they even need that? Are we even sure acting is animal abuse?

What if it’s only for good movies like Wicked? I felt totally fine about the mute flying monkeys, and even the smaller talking animals were okay, but I could not get over the bear. What’s the big deal with one bear on set?

If the concern is that Dulcibear holds an infant actor in her paws, I’m way ahead of you: the baby can be CGI.

I know I’m talking about Wicked as if we can still make this change, but I’m sick of playing by the rules of someone else’s game, and that includes the rules of sequential time. I also understand it’s ironic to leave a movie about animal rights with the opinion that animals should be less coddled, but please try to hold some space/power for what I’m suggesting.

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STRAY THOUGHTS

• The Friday 6pm showing at the Americana was the perfect vibe where no one sang along but we all clapped after every song.

• LA is one of the only cities where you can see a movie Friday 6pm opening weekend and feel like you’re three weeks late to the party.

• I understand why we couldn’t have “So — what’s the most swankified place in town?” “That would be the Ozdust Ballroom!” “Sounds perfect!” but RIP to that legend.

• I whispered “bathroom break” to Kyle at the start of “A Sentimental Man” and then watched multiple people run out of the theater on cue.

• The flying monkey jump scare made me legit jump out of my seat. Also, I was surprised by how upset I was when Madame Morrible threatened the monkeys’ families — okay, maybe I care about animal rights after all.

• Some other things I particularly loved: the Shiz kilts. Cynthia’s “I know.” The first ten minutes. The underwater shot of Glinda’s fingers. Bowen Yang dancing. Bisexual Fiyero. The shadow puppetry. How funny and weird Wicked is.

• I can’t wait to watch someone else watch this movie in front of me on a plane.

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THE ONLY THING BIGGER THAN THE WICKED MOVIE IS STILL WICKED

You know those images of planets in size order where our sun ends up looking tiny compared to other stars?

My excitement level for Wicked: Part One was dwarfed like the sun next to Aldebaran⁵ in April when my friend Austen told me she’d just booked Glinda in the national tour of Wicked. I fell to the floor of Hi Tops, and when Kyle got there a few minutes later, I went, “Kyle, what’s the craziest role Austen could’ve booked in any show?” Without missing a beat he said, “Elphaba,” then after a headshake from me, “Glinda?” That’s how crazy this is — crazy enough to guess it in two and crazy enough to make me indifferent to the movie in comparison. The promise of seeing Austen sing “Thank Goodness” to a packed house has gotten me through this year; I tear up every time I think about it, and next week I’m going to bawl my eyes out at the tour’s opening night in LA. So if you thought I was done talking about Wicked until next year… think again!!!!!

1. Well, as blind I could go into the adaptation of a musical I’ve loved for twenty years.

2. “Have another drink of green elixir and we’ll have ourselves a little mixer” vibes

3. I assume every marketing directive comes directly from Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holzman.

4. I could be gay guy delusional, but that remains to be seen.

5. The sun is like, 🎶 “I’m not that girl.” 🎶